The Silent Battle: Caught Between Two Worlds

Shhhh…

Who knew I would end up here, trapped between two mountains, in a boat meant only for my husband and me on a river?

Shhhh…

On my left is my husband, and on my right is my lover, but none of them knows that their deceptor lies between.

Shhhh..

How did I even get into the middle of this mess? How can I escape two waves that drown me in passion and ecstasy? Each time I am pulled down deeper, my honor fights to swim back up to the truth; my conscience fights for air, the air of confession, of coming clean.

Shhhh…

Dreams won’t keep me content; reality won’t keep me sated. I must have both. But I cannot continue to live like this. Deception is destroying my soul. I often bite back my tongue when my husband, I almost call by another’s name, and the lover, I almost call by my husband’s name. But only I am to blame. Pathetic!

Shhhh…

Yes, I did sign my name to the cash receipt but should have cut that price tag before walking into this home called marriage. An expensive bag filled with lots of forbidden treats. I planned to use him just for one night and return him to the store before the receipt expired, becoming void. But, I invested so much in it; how could I throw him away, let alone see my bag in another woman’s arms?

Shhhh….

My husband will soon be awake; today is our one-year anniversary. He plans to take me out to the restaurant of my choice; he plans on pampering me from head to toe like any real husband should treat his wife. He is a good man; I know he has always been loyal. A high school sweetheart and best friend of 7 years. How could I; shame on me.

Shhhh…

Something is inside me. It has not yet been named. A seed that is growing; a seed from an unknown planter. This is it, and the dam has broken; the reservoir is overflowing as my sins have caught up with me. They can no longer be contained. The more it seems I try to climb out of this darkness, back into the light, the vines of lust grasp my feet and pull me down, down, down. When I look back at the demon who is reining me in, I am afraid. I know this person. The face, that fiend is me.

Shhhh…

My husband is beginning to stir; he opens his eyes and looks past me. His eyes become wide for a moment as if in shock. Could he have seen my lover lying on the other side? Could he have seen right through me, into my mind, my thoughts, my memories? I glanced over to where my lover would have been, but he was not there. Just a shadow of the figment of my dreams. I turned back towards my husband and asked him,

“What are you looking at?”

“Nothing, Baby, I just thought that I am so lucky to have someone so precious as you. You are my dream of dreams that finally came through. Today is our anniversary and one of many to come. I promise to love you each day anew, as the early rising sun. I love you, babes.”

Decisions, decisions. Questions, questions.

“Babes, I have something to tell you.”

Shhhhhhhhh…. (To be continued….)

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